Tribute to Mary Foulger

One of the dearest influences in my childhood and youth, Mary Foulger was a towering personality and as near to a saint as I've found. Mother of six and grandmother to about fifty grandchildren, she treated me and my mother as if we were her own. Sadly, she has been bedridden for several years now. I recently wrote this letter to one of her daughters, hoping that she could read it to Grandmother at her bedside. I share it because I want to pay tribute to this great lady as she nears the end of her life.

Your mother sat in as my own grandmother at my sealing in the Salt Lake Temple. Growing up as I did, with no siblings and geographically distant from any extended family, our "family" often consisted of ward members or neighbors who my mother frequently and generously invited into our home. We were always reaching out, trying to make connections with those in proximity to us, offering our home as a sanctuary to so many who came and went through New York. With your parents, it was different. Their home was our sanctuary, a place where my mom and I could revert to being loved and pampered instead of always doing the loving and pampering of others. Your mother's home was, for me, the proverbial grandmother's house where something warm is always cooking in the oven, where cousins abound and where children can learn on the knees of older generations. Your mother even had an attic that your granddaugter A. and I rummaged through on occasion. I remember finding antiqued floral stationary in there on which A. and I wrote pledges to each other as "best friends forever". I remember the thrill I felt the day I saw myself on the grandchild bulletin board. There was my picture, included with the other beloveds! I didn't care if there were 25 or 50 or a hundred other grandkids up there with me. I felt like I belonged and it was marvelous.

Even though I am not part of her blood lineage, I figured I could make myself part of her spiritual lineage by emulating her and learning from her personality and habits. Optimism and effusiveness became my target characteristics, and I tried for a while to copy her trademark expression: "Oh! Oh! Isn't it wonderful!" while clapping her hands in delight. Such gushing sounded weird coming from a teenager and so I eventually adapted the execution, but the sentiment remained sincere. Her love of the scriptures was also something I figured I could emulate. I told my future husband I wanted a little wooden table by a window where we could permanently leave out our scriptures and our gospel study books. Apartment living hasn't accommodated that yet, but her legacy of scripture study certainly burns bright even without the little table. Her love of beautiful things and her world view were also important elements of crafting my idea of what a Mormon woman should be. She is curious, adventurous, luxuriant in her way and a promoter of the world's best offerings. She never shrinks from the world. She has a sense of humor. I'll never forget the good laugh we all had one morning in Israel when her sister J. described her adventure from the night before: She had washed her garments, hung them by the window of her hotel room to dry and went to sleep. In the middle of the night, J. woke up to what she thought were angels fluttering in her window. "I'm ready!" J. cried. "You can take me now! I'm ready to meet my maker!" We laughed at J.'s surprise when she didn't go anywhere and the angels turned out to be her laundry blowing in the breeze.

In Russia, a few years earlier, we ran into your parents in the Rembrandt Room of the Hermitage Museum in St. Petersburg, where they were touring with the Tabernacle Choir and my family was on vacation. "There is no such thing as a coincidence!" your mother gushed, and your parents whisked me and my mother away to one of the best restaurants in the city and gave me my first taste of caviar. Then they hired a street artist to sketch my portrait. I'm convinced Grandfather paid the artist to make me look like a Kirov ballerina. Generosity was another defining characteristic I am determined to make my own. The degree to which Grandmother and Grandfather share their home, their money and their time is astonishing. From her devotion to the local Chinese branch to her endearing American accent when referring to her Latino house guest "Angel" to the gifts and mementos she would slip into my hand at each visit, your mother gives everything she has. This generosity literally saved me and my mother when my parents were going through their divorce and I was starting college. I too try to give all I have because of her.

Somehow after I went away to college and moved to California, I stopped seeing your mother as often as I had. I went off and got married, worked, started having children, moved around and I was not as good at keeping in touch as I should have been. I'm sorry for that. I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that, except for my mom, Grandmother had the greatest impact on my character and my spiritual personality than any other woman. I love her. It's hard for me to think of her suffering now and I hope that knowing of her profound influence will bring her some comfort.

I know she has a legion of descendants who honor her everyday by living righteous lives, but please tell her she has one more in me.

Comments

[JoAnn Moulton]

Neylan, this is a beautiful farewell to a wonderful woman. As well, Mary was very sweet and generous to me at the darkest hour during my divorce and I will never forget her kindness and the impression it created on my life's vision. I have tried to pass that message along to others through the years in hopes to make an similar impact on their life... because of Mary Foulger.

[Vicki Ashton]

Neylan, I am filled with emotion and speechless from reading your tribute to the most remarkable woman I have ever known. Your words bring back a flood of personal memories as I reflect back on the profound influence Mary has had on my own life. Her example of love, service, generosity, devotion and faith created in me the desire to be just like her. Through the years since Mary and her family literally mourned with me and my family, comforted us, and provided support when we needed it most, I have tried to emulate her example. It is clear she leaves a legacy that will last for generations because her influence for good is so profound and far-reaching. I will be eternally grateful to Mary Foulger for teaching me what a noble Mormon woman should be.